Welcome to everyone! This post is intended to be for informational purposes only, and is a product of my opinion and experience as a massage therapist and life coach. Please consult with a medical provider and do your own research with any tips or suggestions I present here, and do not disregard any treatment or advice given to you already. And also please do seek help if you struggle with anything I write about in this blog.
I was introduced to “Weird Al” Yankovic at a very young age through a short clip on an educational PBS program called “Square One.” In this video he sings a song about patterns and the lyrics stuck with me. Years later I ended up really liking his parody music and was amazed that he was indeed the same guy I remembered from so long ago. Below is a YouTube link to the original video (which looks like original VCR quality).
So just keep Weird Al’s little song in your head as I switch gears into talking about today’s theme: core emotions. I promise you’ll discover the connection when we’re done. A core emotion is the theme of your life, the ultimate struggle, or the perfect mentor, depending on your perspective.
I say core emotion but you could also call it your core wound. It may be an emotion attached to a specific traumatic experience, a false belief that was created around an experience, or a basic truth that we are lacking. But this core thing has enough power to massively influence our lives, and it’s most likely doing so subconsciously. The result? Patterns.
I remember hearing stories about people who find themselves in abusive relationships. It was hard for me to understand why sometimes these people, after staying away from their abuser for a while, would then return to the relationship thinking that the person would be different. Or, that they end it with that one person, only to wind up in another relationship with a different person that is, coincidentally, abusive in some way. If the person didn’t get the lesson the first time, the lesson repeats itself, sometimes more intensified, perhaps to get their attention?
My intention is not to judge or cast verdicts about people in those difficult relationships. Such a thing is unfortunate. But what I hope to illuminate is that we all go through something similar in our own lives, some situation in where we keep repeating something over and over because we don’t learn the lesson. How many times have you asked yourself: “Why does this always happen to me?” The asking of this question is usually after something bad happens to you. But is also means that, at least on a very basic level, we are seeking to understand the nature of the universe.
So what can we do about it? The first thing is to take notice of the patterns that pop up in our lives. Even if an event is relatively small, take notice of times that it has happened to you before. For example, let’s say you lost your car keys. This does happen to many people, so it may seem too simple or unimportant. But be willing to dig a little deeper into the circumstances and ask more questions. When you lost your car keys:
- Are you typically running late?
- Are you needing to get to some significant event that you’d rather avoid?
- Does it involve driving with the same certain person?
- Do you struggle to live in the present moment, always distracted by thoughts of the past or worry over the future?
- How does losing your keys affect you emotionally?
Asking these types of questions can help you dive deeper into potential patterns. When the issues get bigger, then you can strike metaphorical gold with a core emotion.
Consider this real-life example: an acquaintance of mine recently went through a divorce. He had been struggling with happiness in the marriage and fulfillment in his life. He searched for a solution through having an affair, which led to a painful divorce. This affair became his primary relationship post-divorce. Yet he didn’t find true happiness in his new relationship, in fact, it presented even bigger problems than his first marriage had. As an outsider with a different perspective, I could see that the qualities he was trying to escape in his wife were actually magnified with the new relationship, making him even more miserable. Kind of like “from the frying pan, into the fire” kind of thing.
I suggested to him that what he really needed was to look internally and develop self-love. For him, lack of self-love is a core issue, something that he never really developed. Looking at his life I could see that this affair exposed an underlying pattern–just like those bathroom tiles that Weird Al sings about. The affair was simply the biggest and most recent version of the same scenario repeating over and over again–looking for happiness and fulfillment in all the wrong places.
As for myself, one of my core emotions was self-value. Believe me, I know how hard it is to look into your own life and discover the patterns that emerge. However, I persevered and have more self-confidence than ever before. In fact, the journey of healing my own core emotion is the very same journey of developing Beyond Balance. I am walking the walk, and simply inviting others to walk with me. I’m there to point the way and give you a direction to start your own healing work.
When considering your own life, try asking this hard question and then…actually answer it: “Why does this always happen to me?” Change it from a perspective of playing the victim to one of pure curiosity. You may be surprised to get some answers.
And smile, you are always doing the best that you can in your situation.
- Find your patterns by starting with a small event (like car keys) and asking more questions
- You can practice seeing patterns by examining a life other than your own. (Like a friend) Think of a friend’s life that you know well and try to find the patterns there.